Jillian's swimming times

6/23/12             25FREE                  42.72               -2.06
7/6/12               25FREE                  34.00               -8.72                   Goldstroke!
7/6/12               25BACK                40.12               -11.88                 Goldstroke!

Jillian had an awesome season and improved a lot. By the end of the season, she was swimming backstroke in the meets and learning butterfly. She asked her coach if she could swim butterfly at some of her final meets but unfortunately they had too many swimmers so the races were full. Hopefully next year!

Peter started swimming this year and was just barely four years old when he did! He swam several meets by the end of the season, which I wasn't sure he would be able to do! His first meet something weird happened with the other team where they had the really little kids swim with their instructors in the lane. This threw Peter off of his game, as well as our Baby Coaches who had no idea what was going on, and he wasn't even on the starting block when the gun went off. As a result he didn't start swimming until the other swimmers in his heat had been in the water for about 30 seconds, which makes a big difference when you're swimming the 25 Freestyle race! He did a great job though, got his bearings when they threw him up on the block last minute, and finished the race. Some of the kids his age had to grab onto the lane line because it was too far for them to swim, they are so little!, but he kept at the task and made it across. It is so amazing to watch their first meets of these little kids! They work so hard and, on the sidelines, you're not 100% sure they're going to have the stamina, but then they surprise you and amaze you and KEEP GOING! I cried the first time both Peter and Jillian made it across. Parallels with life, I guess.

I just found some of his rewards and the only thing I have recorded is that he got a Gold Stroke, a personal best!, at Champs. He shaved 27.5 seconds off of his previous time. Way to go, Peter!

Being a mother

I've had so many thoughts about being a mother swirling around in my head since the whole Ann Romney thing where the "working" lady with the impressive job said Ann basically had her head in the sand since she didn't work. I think her point was somewhat misconstrued but I also think what others said in response was valid. I don't think Ann Romney or any person can't relate to someone because they aren't in the exact same circumstances. If that's the case, empathy is not real, and there's not much hope for any of us to truly care for another person.

Anyway, that being written, I've stewed and stewed about why I've stewed and stewed about this. I think it bothers me that I feel like others look down on the choice I've made. Whether they do or not, but sometimes I'm pretty sure they really do. My neighbor was agonizing over whether or not she would go back to work at a job she really loved. Her son was six weeks old, and she'd agreed to come back after that amount of time. But she wanted to be with her sweet baby, and asked her employers at her prestigious, fulfilling job at Duke if she could have a little more time off. They said no, her job would be given to someone else if she didn't return within the week because they really needed someone. I ran into her several times and she just couldn't decide. And I feel like I let her down. She went back to work. I didn't represent "being a mom who stays at home with your children all the time" as worth it enough. (And what's with the phrase "Stay at home Mom?" It's like a crater instead of a mountain. How about "Lead her family Mom" or "Raise her brood Mom" or "Stick to a difficult project for 20 years Mom"?) I told her how I'd have to work full-time, instead of the more desirable part-time, if I wanted to get a good enough job to make it worth it. And basically in the end I feel like I left saying "I can't do anything else well enough so I do this." But I've realized that's just not true. I do this because I think it's THE MOST important thing I can do with my life. I do this because I want to be the one to care for my kids. I want to be the one with the memories of them, not their nanny or babysitter. I don't do this because we're financially secure. Last week I literally told myself I can buy milk this week but nothing else. Milk and gas and a few snacks, and that was all I bought because I literally didn't have the money to buy more, and make a house payment and a loan payment, etc. And in the midst of just feeling exhausted I had this amazing realization. It was like I remembered a specific moment when I was a little girl and I was telling my mom, because she was there, I wanted to be a mom. It was so specific. "A mom and a rock star and an artist." Well, the rock star and the artist didn't work out, so... WAIT! NO! I chose this over rock star and artist, because I love this best. And those sweet babies deserve my best. 

Jillian made a similar statement to me recently. "Mom, I want to be a mommy when I grow up. And an eye doctor." I said "Well, you know, you could do both. Lots of people do both." To which she responded "No, then I would have to leave my baby with a babysitter and they would cry and cry all day for me. I changed my mind. I want to be a mommy." Whoa! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Did she understand the gravity of what she said? Did she know where my thoughts had been those last weeks, even months? Did she really realize that by not leaving her with someone else I'm choosing HER? Probably not, but hopefully a little bit. 

Sometimes this job is SO, SO hard that I think we moms do a terrible job at selling it. Because it breaks your heart when you lose your temper with your child or make mistakes that are so much more lasting than a mistake you might make on another job. I don't get reprimanded by a boss but it weighs so heavily sometimes, it's hard to explain. (Well, I suppose it's a gentle nudge from above telling me I can do better, so I do report to a boss.) In some areas I am the typical first child, never wanting to make a mistake. In other areas, I'm a total procrastinator and could really care less. But in mothering, I have a very difficult time letting go of the mistakes I make daily. And they are many upon many. I don't think I'm even close to getting to a place where I can get over these things quickly or take them with any sort of...salt. 

Anyway, with regards to mothering, I found this on a friend's blog and loved every piece of advice so I've included it below and plan on posting it in my house.

1. In homemaking and mothering, what matters most is that your home is happy. If you have to let everything else go to get this one thing right, you will have traded well.

2. Kids can't hurry. They try, but...they fail. (I usually like to move at Cheetah Speed, in accomplishing household things and running errands. Let's get it done. I wait for no man. But doing things with little kids has turned my cheetah into one who one only has three legs, one of which is broken and one of which is five inches shorter than all the others. And also the cheetah is carsick, and shedding weird patches of hair, and drooling a lot. Whatever. Anyway, it's inefficient and s-l-o-w.) If you can only accomplish something by hurrying, don't. It is not worth the frustration that will ensue. Try again on a different day when you have more time.

3. No phase (or day) lasts forever. To me this is a reminder to breath it in deeply when it's fun and let it go with a sigh, when it's hard. This, too, shall pass.

4. It's easier to preempt a problem than to deal with its aftermath. (Following this advice could mean almost anything...hiding extra diapers in the car, giving D a nap when he has to stay up late for E's baseball game, separating tired children at the dinner table because they WILL start fighting if they're sitting next to each other, packing a snack or some crayons and paper if we're going to be out for a while, etc.) It is worth the time it takes to look at a situation that you know will push your limits and say, "What will make it hard? How can I make the hard stuff easier?"

5. Sometimes (a lot of times) the kid who did the hitting needs to be held even more than the one who got hit.

6. Be consistent. Follow through with consequences. Do something when you're counting and you actually get to "3". No means no. And praise, praise, praise the good stuff!

7. Smile at your husband and children. Just out of the blue, for no reason other than that they exist, they are yours, and that is a blessing. Wink. Mouth a silent, "I love you." Consistent, small displays of affection go a long way.

8. Pray together with your kids. Especially when you are grasping at sanity and self-control. Gather them around you, hold hands, and pray, even if you have to sob your way through it. Tell God that you are having a hard time. That you can't think clearly or don't know what to do. Ask Him--right there, out loud in front of your children--for forgiveness, to give you more love for your family, for help becoming a better mother. I've tried this a number of times. Every time, I have been changed. I finish praying and my instinct is to draw my children to me, hold them, apologize, and express my love to them. We get up and we try again, but it is better. Different. This is a magical piece of advice from a very dear friend. I wish I remembered it more often.

9. Admit when you blew it. Tell your kids you're sorry. My great sister-in-law put herself in time-out once after she lost her temper...chair facing the wall, timer on and all. Kids learn from parental mistakes and how they're handled. They are quick to forgive. Apologizing to them teaches them to apologize, and that everybody makes mistakes.

10. If you need time to yourself to get stuff done, you can usually get it by spending some undistracted time with your kids first. I read once about a mom who swore that if she took 15 minutes helping her kids get started in a play game (building a couch fort, making a Lego creation, helping them put on dress up clothes and makeup, gathering sticks and rocks for a pretend campsight, etc.) they would then play happily with that thing, alone, for at least 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes buys you forty-five. Not bad. I've tried this one a lot--it usually works nicely. Also, turns out it's super fun to forget about the phone and the laundry for a little bit and just play with your kids. Like a kid.

11. You're doing better than you think you are. If your kids know you love them, and if you're just trying to do a good job, that's enough. Forgive yourself for the stuff you aren't getting right quite yet.

CAVEAT, Because I don't want to hurt others feelings who truly can't not work: I do have a faint glimmer of a tiny light at the end of a very distant tunnel and I recognize that. My husband is in the picture and though his pay is meager right now, he is employed and if we are frugal, it allows me to stay at home. He will one day have a job that will allow us to eventually pay off the school debt we have. But I will reference a talk I heard by Elder Rasband about his mother's choice to be at home. His father was a truck driver and their family was very large. His mother had no hope of ever getting ahead financially, and I believe never did, or buying herself nice things, but she choose her family over wealth. I gained a lot of respect for her through that brief story and the life of no fine material things but many of the finer things in life that she chose. I consider her someone of great perspective. I know many choose to work outside the home and be a mother, and I respect that. But this is my WHAT, and HOW and most importantly WHY I'm talking about here. I don't like representing what I do daily as "Because I can't do anything else well enough..." I hope to truly be able to convey to my children when they are older that I love to be their mother. 

Funniest Dinner Ever

The other night Kevin made us a delicious dinner. The conversation to go with it was priceless. Peter didn't like the food and was moaning loudly, to which Jillian said "Peter, I don't like it either, but I'm eating it." To which Kevin said "I'm not sure which is more offensive."

Then to distract Peter from the food, Kevin started asking him about his future. Peter has very definite ideas about what his life has in store for him. His wife will be named Sarah, which he knew without a moment's thought, and he will have six children, five girls and one boy. When we asked him if he wanted more sons he said, "No, five girls and ONE boy."

I think it was this same meal that he asked me very seriously "Mom, if I'm ever on a soccer team, will you cheer VERY, VERY loud for me?" Sometimes I have no idea what thinking is going on in that intelligent brain of his.