A Choice

I can't remember what exactly lead me to the thought but recently I realized I have to choose to be happy. Whenever I am angry or un-Christlike with something or someone, I choose that, even if it is subconsciously. Up until a few months ago I had been feeling so frustrated with EVERYTHING and suddenly it just hit me. I'm choosing this for myself. This is not the person I want to be and yet here I am. A big grump, having no fun with my wonderful children and husband. I have a friend who has a statement on her blog that says "Moms have more fun. That's the real truth. I have a degree in journalism, experience abroad, but I'm at home loving life with my baby boy...Living is fun and I'm having a ball!" I had chuckled and thought, yeah, it is fun being a mom. And I'm in a similar situation as my friend. I had the chance to do a lot before I was a mom. But that was a bit in theory for me because I wasn't really living like I thought it was more fun.

And I was finding reasons why everyone around me was better than I was. Whether they were more beautiful, intelligent, creative, fun, used their time more wisely, more of a scriptorian...We had a lesson on Sunday about coveting and one of the sister missionaries pointed out how Satan has counterfeits for everything good God has. In this case, Satan has jealousy and the inability to be happy for someone else's accomplishments where God has admiration and emulation and pure joy in others accomplishments. To me, this was profound. God gives us the drive to want more for ourselves so that we work to become better, to improve, to become more like Him. The natural man in me has a tendency to compare but just saying to myself over the last few weeks "I want to be happy for this person" or "their success or relationship or whatever in no way takes away from what I have" has been like a pin I can use to deflate my own insecurities. When I step back and look at the situation, I would so much rather be the person without guile than the person who is envious. Simple, right? :)

Anyway, I've been trying to check myself when I start to feel frustration bottling up inside of me. Am I going to choose to take a few breaths and be happy? Or am I going to choose to be that angry person noone wants to be or be around? I see so many qualities in others that I would love to have but I'm going to choose to emulate those qualities instead of choosing to feel inferior because I'm not there yet. Rereading what I've written this all sounds so trite but just stepping back and asking myself "What am I going to choose? Am I going to choose to be happy?" has made SUCH a difference for me!


The day before we left St. Louis I realized big time "we've had it really good here". A friend offered to watch J at the park while I packed up (btw, she was moving the next day too but was generous enough to watch J since she had movers!) and when I showed up there were about 10 of our close friends there with their kids! Wow, I was overwhelmed all at once by the friendship and love of good friends by which I was surrounded. Kevin and I were so blessed during that time of our lives by wonderful friends. I would say that I especially was blessed to have friends to fill the long hours that Kevin was working hard. It was wonderful to have such a support system. But it has also been wonderful to SLOWLY realize that my life can be richer, if I allow it to be, by having that then and this now. I feel a little bit like Heavenly Father is weening me. Not from friends entirely, of course, but from the PLAY, PLAY, PLAY mentality of college life. Life isn't meant to be all work and no play but it isn't meant to be all play and no work either. (That being said, I still intend to play a lot:)

I'm sure these thoughts were heaven-sent because they have helped me so much. Such simple thoughts but so spot on for me. We just got home from sending my little brother off on his mission. I'm so excited for him and that he gets to focus his whole life right now on the gospel. He's such an awesome guy- a true example of being sincerely happy for the success of others. I look up to him so much. Pictures to come!

Hungry for some pie?

Heather and Mike came out a week before Thanksgiving to hang out with us and explore the area. Their kids haven't been to NYC yet so it was fun to see their reaction when we came up off the subway. But before we went downtown we spent a few days here playing. Kevin's mom joined us on Tuesday. Just in time for the rubber-duckie-thrown-in-the-only-toilet-with-the-house-full-of-12-people-incident. We love you Peter!

Jillian had her own version of sardines. She would hide in her own spot even if she wasn't "it" and get upset if people didn't come and hide with her:)

Grandma with almost all the grandkids, minus Hunter and Mason

On the ferry to Ellis Island

Peter in his new outfit Grandma bought him after he fell in to the fountain and got soaked. Luckily it was unusually warm for this time of year.

In front of Rockefeller Square

"Peter's" fountain

The cousins watching a fun movie at the hotel. Mike got us some great accomodations at a really nice, brand new hotel just blocks from the parade route. We had almost the whole floor to ourselves with all those rooms.

Kevin and I had hoped to see a show but we missed getting our tickets by 45 minutes, they closed way early on account of the Thanksgiving holiday. So we decided to explore the city together. Grandma was gracious enough to watch the kids and we had a really fun evening. There were A LOT of people out and about that Wednesday night. We saw one of the bands that was to perform marching down the busy street playing their hearts out. They must have been from the inner city Washington, D.C. school we saw the next day. They had SO much pep and even the band was joining the dance team and grooving! It was really fun.

Kevin introduced me to Roxy's

Sometimes it's just nice to walk around alone and hold hands! They're usually full of other things these days:) Kevin also went the extra mile(s) to find me an Orange-a-Peel Jamba Juice! The perfect flavor to end the perfect night.

Up early and waiting for the parade. Gayle and Mike got up and snagged this awesome spot for us. Front Row! We joined them not too much later. We were really lucky that the weather was so warm. It was the perfect year to attend the parade.

I think someone was eating some powdered doughnuts.

Such a trooper! He fell asleep in our arms for the last hour of the parade.

What a neat Santa! Thanks Amy for these pictures!

After the parade we booked it back to the hotel, we had 20 minutes til checkout time. We made it, packed up our things and were on the train with all seven kids in under an hour. The Bailey kids were troopers tromping all around town and even carrying their own luggage to and from the hotel. We got home around 3 and ate Thanksgiving dinner around 7. Phew! We were too exhausted to eat much. I don't think anyone had seconds and we saved pie for breakfast the next morning. A friend of mine went and they spent the rest of the day in NYC, the weather really was gorgeous, shopping and playing in central park. Then they ate Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. It wouldn't have worked for us this year since everyone had flights home but if we do this in the future, that sounds like the way to go. That or catered dinner:) We were so glad everybody came to visit though. We sure would love it if the Baileys lived closer!

Fall in Connecticut=Beautiful

This year our fall has been warm and beautiful! The trees truly take your breath away and some of them still have their leaves, in the middle of November! These photos were from last month when we went to a farm nearby to take some pictures with our friends. I have the hardest time choosing between photos of my children, obviously! I just want to remember all of their expressions!

I'm not fond of this picture of myself but am reminded of Pioneer Woman's blog that a friend brought to my attention. In it she said that 25 years ago she didn't love getting in photos. Now she looks back and thinks "Hey, I looked pretty good back then!" The whole spot was about how she treasured the photos she had of her parents, who died suddenly when she was a teenager, and how she was making a concerted effort to get in photos with her children more often. So here I am with my sweet son, with his little tender arm around my neck and a bashful smile on his face. Yeah for hayrides with my little guy who still thinks it's cool to go on them with his mom:)

And over they go!

I'll let the pictures do the talking since there are one mill-i-on of them. We got this idea to go to Highline Park from Doreen's sister Teresa, who lives in Manhattan. (And this blog post will probably be very similar to hers:) Kevin had the day off and we were trying to figure out what to do in the time we had, which wasn't a ton of time. We talked about several different options and then Kevin says "Let's go downtown!" which was exactly what I wanted to do, of course, but didn't want to suggest it since he is usually the one who drives, it was his day off, etc and so forth. It was just fun to drive down for a few hours, find a free and convenient parking spot, pretty hard to find for us country folk who don't know the city super well, visit these parks and enjoy the bustling city. I don't know what it is about this place but as soon as we start getting close on the highway my senses start waking up. The energy of the whole place serges through me and I feel like my eyes are working double time to take in all the new people and places. I LOVE everything about it. I don't know if we'll ever live there but I sure do fantasize about it, even though I'm sure there are things that are difficult about city life. Oh, I said I'd let the pictures do the talking:)

A parking garage we passed on the way there
Highline Park is a converted railroad line above the city. They tried to integrate the fact that it was a rail line and they still have parts of the track as you walk along and some of the benches, as you'll see later, are on wheels that look like mini train wheels resting on track. Here's Kevin walking along above the city.

Sweet architecture! Two such distinct buildings right next to each other. They reminded me a lot of McIntosh's style, correct me if I'm wrong, Art History Buffs.

There's a spot where you can watch the world go by on a Manhattan street down below. The kids loved it.

You could see Lady Liberty from this spot so Jill decided to impersonate her.

A few times Peter found rocks and tried to hurl them down onto the unsuspecting world below. Luckily we saw the wheels in his head turning and stopped him.

Another fun park. This one's in central park.