Uplift

I love days that are so gorgeous that you can’t wait to get outside. It’s one of those days.
I love when Peter puts himself down for a nap.
I love when Peter laughs heartily.
And when he takes charge at the Burger King drive-through “Excuse me! Do you have FRENCH FRIESSSS????”
I love that Jillian told me she likes my hair better curly because it’s prettier and because it’s like hers. (I recently used a groupon to straighten it again.) The people who matter most love me just the way I am!!!
I love watching Mormon Messages and the “I’m a Mormon” videos on my iPhone as I run on the treadmill. So uplifting, in contrast to so much of the media out there. I have about 100 quotes I’d like to put on my wall after this morning. If you haven’t seen them, you’ve got to check them out. I was particularly uplifted by the ones about motherhood, hope and marriage today. So little value hung on these things lately. But they are what makes my life valuable and what define me right now. And now that I have been a wife and a mother, I think these things will always define me. Probably in different ways, of course, depending on what decade of my life I’m in. But if I can be a success at these things, then I think I will be successful in life.

I also loved the Stephanie Nielsen segment, about the woman who was burned over much of her body in the plane crash. She speaks of being blessed by her trials and that now she sees her role as a mother as more than just the one who prepares the meals. Now she sees herself as one who nurtures, enriches, and teaches her children how to live the gospel. She said she sees motherhood as synonomous with beauty. I like that but would add the caveat “when you do it well”:) There are definitely times when I don’t think my mothering has been a thing of beauty. (I'm going to try to post this.)

In other news, we were in a pretty scary wreck yesterday. I say pretty scary but nothing bad really happened. It was just close to happening. We were hit from the side and spun around. Immediately my brain processed some thoughts that I wanted to record. Initially I was shocked because I don’t remember seeing the other car coming at all – it hit us at the rear of the passenger side as we were crossing a fairly big intersection. But after we skidded to a stop (I can’t even remember if I put the brake on or not), I felt and knew we were okay. Lucy was screaming but somehow I knew she wasn’t hurt, and neither was Jake, who was in the very back and wasn’t making a sound. I almost didn’t look back at them before I got out of the car. I just knew and I am confident it was just a little feeling Heavenly Father put in my heart in a scary moment. I almost feel a little guilty that I wasn’t more worried or scared and that we were protected. Such awful, horrifying things can and do happen to such wonderful people and I know it has nothing to do with “we deserved to be protected,” or the opposite. So I don’t know the “whys” and “whens” of what happens to whom, but I do know that Heavenly Father was so aware of us yesterday. A friend drove by, recognized us and helped me with Lucy and Jake while I got everything out of the car. Then later she brought us dinner, which was so appreciated because I had my coupons in the car, ready to do some grocery shopping for that night’s meal, because we were all totally off-kilter and because I was on the phone all afternoon with insurance companies. Another friend followed Kevin to the accident from Peter's preschool after pick-up and spent a considerable amount of her afternoon figuring out how to fit five kids in car seats in the back of her car and then driving us home, smiling graciously even while Peter was shouting potty words for the entire drive. There was even an electrical crew onsite that jumped to our aid. It was pretty amazing.

It brought to mind a Marjorie Pay Hinckley quote that my mom reminded me of lately. She themed my birthday package after this quote. I was definitely blessed by friends who exemplify this quote, and was reminded that I want to be this kind of person too.

I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived. ~ Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Lucy has found her belly button. It's so funny. The other morning she woke up before I was ready to wake up for the day for no apparent reason. So I snuggled her into bed with me, after changing her diaper so I could breath. Every time you change her diaper now she reaches for that little button and seems to give a satisfied little grin once she finds it. We both fell back to sleep all snuggled like that for another two hours. It was awesome!

She is also beginning to say several words, which come out of nowhere. There seems to be a new one every day. Today Peter told her "No, no, no" in a scolding but sing-songy way. She repeated it back to him, in the exact same tone and all. Yesterday she said "Oh!" and she has also said "Yes" and "tic, tic, tic" for tickle, tickle, tickle. Her nods are hilarious because she literally snaps her head up and down as far as her body will allow. It looks a little painful actually. She also raises her eyebrows simultaneously for added affect.

(As I was writing this Jillian called down that she was scared because of the storm so I told her to go say a prayer and see if she felt calmer. A second later I heard her little voice saying her prayer. So, so sweet.)

Yesterday Peter said "I miss Jesus, Mom." So we had a little conversation about it. He was sad that he hadn't seen Him in a while because He had died. (He said he died in the water but the details aren't the important part, right? :) Jillian said "You've never seen Jesus. Isn't that funny that he thinks he's seen Jesus before." So then we talked about before we came to the earth, our pre-earth life, crossing through the veil, etc. It was neat to tell Peter and Jillian that they had seen Jesus before in the council in heaven and that they would see him again. I was glad we had this conversation because previously Peter has told me how he doesn't believe in Jesus because we just talk about him but we don't see him.

A visit to the park at four p.m. Is a beautiful thing

You know that time of day when everyone's emotions are running high, and everyone is fighting, and you wish Dad were on his way home but he won't be for another three hours, and you just have to be outside or you'll burst? And then somehow, you manage to find everyone shoes that go on the right feet, and coats and tissues and diapers and wipes and a doll and a ball and a super hero cape and your phone and your keys and, oh yeah, your shoes. And when you all burst from the car onto the park, you feel God put that park on earth just for you at that moment. It's a beautiful thing, perhaps even a glimpse of what salvation might feel like. And those kids that you just wanted to clobber, in the golden light, are more radiant to you than ever. And after you've swung them and caught them and kissed them and chased them, the cold air prickles your neck just enough to make you so grateful for the warm home you return to. It's a beautiful thing.

I don't know about this absolute compulsion I feel to RECORD my children's lives! It constantly stresses me out. Is it because I am going to die soon?! I mean, why do I feel this need to make sure each sweet thing they say is written in my quotes book for them, my blog, and my blog for each of them. Is it to attempt to tell them "I loved you so much that I wrote this all down"? To tell them "You were my life!" It's so hard to put it into words. This connection I feel with my children. Every little thing they do makes me so happy, or so heartbroken when they make a mistake. "Are you acting like this because I messed you up already?" I'm sure Erickson would have some explanation about generativity versus stagnation, the innate desire we eventually feel to have something from our lives live beyond us. I want to remember the times they held my hand, Lucy has been constantly reaching for my hand recently, and Peter today, "let's hold hands, Mom," and Jillian's first pinch pot, and finding cans of tomato paste in the front closet from my little whirling dervish. I don't know. Being a mom is so weird and emotional.