I don't know about this absolute compulsion I feel to RECORD my children's lives! It constantly stresses me out. Is it because I am going to die soon?! I mean, why do I feel this need to make sure each sweet thing they say is written in my quotes book for them, my blog, and my blog for each of them. Is it to attempt to tell them "I loved you so much that I wrote this all down"? To tell them "You were my life!" It's so hard to put it into words. This connection I feel with my children. Every little thing they do makes me so happy, or so heartbroken when they make a mistake. "Are you acting like this because I messed you up already?" I'm sure Erickson would have some explanation about generativity versus stagnation, the innate desire we eventually feel to have something from our lives live beyond us. I want to remember the times they held my hand, Lucy has been constantly reaching for my hand recently, and Peter today, "let's hold hands, Mom," and Jillian's first pinch pot, and finding cans of tomato paste in the front closet from my little whirling dervish. I don't know. Being a mom is so weird and emotional.