"Privacy" and Motherhood

I had a realization this last week that was huge for me. I am a private person. Oh, I like social gatherings and friends, etc. but I also really appreciate the one-on-one time I spend with myself. In college I would take a run up and around the beautiful Provo Canyon almost every afternoon after classes. It was great to be in nature and to be by myself in nature. I think that is why I like going to the gym in the mornings. Even though it's not quiet, technically, it provides quiet time for me when I am not required to talk and can just think through things. Motherhood doesn't naturally lend itself to lots of alone time and I realize that this is mostly a blessing. I wouldn't change this part of my life for anything but I sometimes find myself feeling bitter, not at anyone- just in general, when I don't get some down time. I've been forced to think about this lately, well, I've just been grouchy so that led me to this line of thought. I don't want to be one of those parents who thinks "Shoot, my kid is crying. That was such a short nap. I didn't get enough done...blah, blah, blah...and on and on." I mean, I didn't have kids to try and make them sleep all the time! (Of course, kids need sleep and they're grumpy if they don't get it but that's a topic for another afternoon.) Anyway, J is getting to the age where she will quietly play during her entire nap time and then come out when she thinks it's been long enough to appease me. But then she also gets grumpy rather early in the evening, falls asleep when we're driving to pick up Kevin from work, and isn't her normal happy self when Dad is home. To this point, and for these reasons, I have been reluctant to forfeit the afternoon nap. I rely on this time to recharge and find the hours from 3-5 to be the toughest on my psyche. Well, why am I writing all this you may wonder? I made a discovery I just had to share! It probably isn't that novel of an idea, and frankly Kevin's mom did something similar and told me about it a long time ago, but I am hoping it will work magic for our mother-children team. After Peter laid down for his nap, Jillian and I got a pile of books for each of us. She had several picture books and I had my Ensign, scriptures, camera manual, and decorating books, most of which I have had in a pile next to the bed for several days, wanting to read them but never finding the extra minute. We got on my bed and just read our own books. She turned the pages and sang to herself until she fell asleep. I got to read my scriptures and relax with other good books. I felt totally recharged! And this is our new game plan on days that it flows with our schedule. I am also working on making some somewhat less physical goals, like only 30 minutes on the computer, being less judgemental, etc. I don't know why I've let this drop off recently but this has been a good regrouping week. I'm going to try and remember it for the future. Hopefully by doing so I can avoid discouragement and remember that a few "course corrections" can work wonders!!!