What we've been up to in Iowa City

I've had a running dialogue of things to record about our move that I haven't started because it's stress-inducing to think I might leave something out! But I guess unless I write something I'm leaving it ALL out!

Leaving North Carolina was a strange experience. We knew we were going back since Kevin's contract to work at UNC was in the works, so we didn't have to do things "one last time," although we did try to see people "one last time" before we left. Some of the best friends I've made ever will not be there when we move back and that is a big bummer! There was a wonderful group of ladies that I think was "once-in-a- lifetime" unique that had begun dispersing the year before when Allison moved to Utah and Emily and Marianne moved to Winston-Salem. Melissa and Annee are moving this summer as well, so knowing they won't be there when we get back was probably the worst part about moving. In the last year we'd also become close to the Osmonds and the Allemans and they were also both moving, although the Allemans will still be somewhat close by. Otherwise, I feel like we left on a major high. We got to swim in Grandma's pool a lot, had a small birthday party (Star Wars!) for the kids, had fun swim days with friends at our pool and theirs as well as the lake, and Kevin left UNC feeling great as he finished residency.

I had participated in TWO garage sales, so by the time we finally moved, I had been going through closets, taking things to Goodwill, selling things on Craigslist and packing boxes for quite a while. It felt like a weight off of my soul to get rid of things, but by the time it was moving day, it had started to feel very stretched out. We were ready for Iowa!

Kevin had two great ideas in preparation for our move. One was a family time capsule about our year. We cleaned out a two liter soda bottle (People in Iowa say pop:) and recorded the answers to five questions each. 1)What am I most excited about moving to Iowa? 2)What am I most nervous about? 3)Where do I think I will make a good friend? 4)What is a goal I have for next year? 5)I can't remember the last one:/ I wish I had recorded our answers here immediately because I loved the kids' answers but what fun would that make opening the capsule next year? I do remember some of my goals were: to be patient in making friends and establishing ties here, these things take time!, to decrease my 5k time once I can run again and focus on running shorter distances faster, to focus on my kids and enjoy my time with them, and to once and for all get in good habits of reading the scriptures daily!

His other idea was, since we were driving on Jillian's birthday, to have gifts waiting for her at all of the places we stopped. We were both driving our cars so we planned it that whoever didn't have her in their car would go in first and give it to a waitress, the person behind the counter, put it on the gas pump, etc. It made that first, and longest, day of driving super fun. We told Jillian that the moving truck must have dropped some of her gifts out of the back of our truck and thank heavens we were stopping at all the right places! We stopped tons, taking probably fourteen hours to drive 11. When we got to the hotel that night she wrote a sweet note thanking us for the gifts we had given her, some were cards and gifts from Grandma's, etc., and Aunt Ellen passed on to us that Jill said she would "Never forget it!" Great idea, Dad!

Peter had told me previous to leaving North Carolina that he was so excited to live in a big city with huge buildings. I guess Iowa City sounds too much like New York City:) He hasn't seemed disappointed though. We have a huge field planted currently with soy bean plants and a spacious yard. We even moved in next door to two dogs, which is a dream come true for Peter and Lucy. Last Sunday, Peter undid the carabeaner that was fortifying the locked gate to play with them and out they ran! It was the most hilarious sight to see his little arms pumping so hard as he ran after them into our backyard. Luckily they weren't run over by a car and we can all laugh about it now.

The people here are SO friendly! I have had 30 minute conversations with people who came to pick up moving boxes from Craigslist, people come up to me and offer their lawn chairs at the pool just because I'm pregnant and I must need it more than them, TONS of kids asking me if I'm having a baby, what is it, what will I name it?, and on and on. People here are just genuinely kind and look out for one another! Everyone notices the kids and gives them smiles. Most people coming into our neighborhood notice them playing and slow way down until they are well past the area they are playing in. The courtesy, even in the traffic we found ourselves last Sunday due to an accident, has been truly impressive! Kevin has also been very impressed with how hard working and nice the other residents and fellows in his program seem to be.

Our town doesn't actually have a real grocery store! There is a small specialty type store that specializes in meat and people will come from other places to get their meat there but our main food shopping will be done in the town over at the Costco, which was just built last year. Crazy! Today we drove into Iowa City to meet Jonette and Alice for lunch - so fun! It was a bit reassuring to this city girl that there is a town center somewhere closeby. We found the city plaza, which had a really neat and substantial playground in the middle of shops and restaurants, again totally family friendly!, and a splash pad that the kids loved. I called Joy, who just had baby Annie this week!, and told her how small things had been feeling until we drove downtown. After I hung up, the woman next to me said "I couldn't help overhearing that you just moved here. Where are you coming from?" We talked for about 45 minutes more and she told me all kinds of neat places to take the kids. She even asked if we had found a church, she used to coordinate the preschool at her Methodist church!, and we had a lovely discussion about religion and I was able to tell her about how we all take turns fulfilling different callings in our church. She liked that idea because it means we all get to share the blessings! Unfortunately she lives in another town on the other side of Iowa City so we didn't exchange phone numbers or anything but it was once again amazing to have such a heart to heart at the drop of a hat.
After leaving the park, the kids were dying of thirst so we ducked into a bar to see if we could rustle up some water. Why I chose that place I'm not sure but I had to chuckle to myself as I stood waiting at the bar, a pregnant lady with three children in tow. The college kids were beginning to gather to start their weekend drinking and several came in and sat down next to us, ordering personal pitchers as we waited for our waters. It was pretty funny, and once again, the guy at the bar was so friendly.

We bought a pool pass our second day here and have been LOVING that. It's a large community pool with TONS of kids, so it's a totally different feel but the big kids are loving the high dive, so proud of them for getting up the courage to go off, and Jillian and Kevin are loving the big swirly slides. It's also been incredible to move in with friends! It was so nice to stay at the Melessa's our first two nights here and to have them help us with the kids while we cleaned and moved in. I have high hopes that Peter will learn some basketball skills from their boys too:)

Since the Melessas have gone on vacation this last week and we really don't have much else to do, we've been focusing on having a little more structure in our days. I decided to have the kids start each day with some sort of exercise and they've actually been getting really into it. We've done a yoga for kids video several days, walking up the really big hill to Brooklyn's house, bike riding and a basketball drills day. They've each had a job or two to do, reading time with mom, and we've been more regular reading the Book of Mormon. I think it's been successful partly due to the fact that Peter is getting older and loves his new ability to join in with our scripture reading, and other activities. I also think the undivided time together has been amazing! I'm one who thrives with constant contact with my friends but this has been a unique experience and several times over the past few days I've felt impressed that one of the reasons we are in Iowa is for me to focus on my relationship with each of my sweet kids, to listen to their concerns more intently, and to make their daily growth my main priority. I think it's going to be a great year!

And, last but not least, we've been waiting for Baby Girl! 30 weeks tomorrow! Can't wait to meet her. I'm not sure but I think she may be our most active one, in utero. I swear she is constantly turning somersaults!    

Lucy's she-zure (seizure)

Some things I'm not sure why I feel compelled to record but this is one of them. It's certainly been on my mind since it happened. It's been about a month and a half ago now but it's run through my mind SO MANY TIMES! I always think I'll be tough and useful and spiritual if something awful happens to one of my children, I imagine myself stopping and saying a prayer or giving them a blessing if Dad's not around in a moment of crisis and then having such clarity of mind to know what to do. That did NOT happen! Kevin had left to take Peter to preschool, luckily he was home from Fayetteville that day, and Lucy and I were at home. I had been paying some bills and sorting through stuff for our move when she began to whine and said "I want you!" I picked her up and I'm so glad I did. She is never shy about vocalizing all her wants in a loud voice so sometimes I just let her go for a minute before responding to see if she'll work it out herself first. But when I picked her up, her body was SO HOT. She hadn't been feeling sick at all and had no other symptoms so I was surprised and said "Maybe we won't be going swimming. Do you want to go swimming with Jon Bradley or do you feel yucky?" At that point, I looked down and she was slumped over in my arms, making the faintest gurgling noise, and she was completely blue. BRIGHT blue! It was the most frightening thing that has ever happened to me. I moved her in my arms to try and look to see what was wrong because she was so limp I couldn't see her face at all. Her eyes were not focusing and she wasn't responding to me at all. I tried to sweep her little mouth with my finger to see if she was choking on something but her teeth were clamped shut. I can't even separate things out enough in my mind to know if I processed "Oh, her teeth are clamped, maybe she's having a seizure." I think the thought crossed my mind but immediately I thought "Yeah, but with what other things do people clamp their teeth together?!" She also wasn't shaking or foaming at the mouth or doing anything else I would associate with a seizure. She was just lifeless and so blue. I turned her over and started patting on her back and gently shaking her, shouting her name and I think even shouting for help. (See, no presence of mind, as no one else was in my house to hear me.) She suddenly started throwing up rather violently so I ran to the trash can thinking "Thank heavens, whatever was lodged in there has come up." But no such luck. After she threw up, she was still blue and not moving at all or looking at me. A part of me thought her heart was failing (because of the gurgling?). I ran back to the table to grab my phone to call 911 and then noticed Kevin was driving up. I ran outside with her little limp body in my arms and Kevin thought I was ecstatic he was home until he saw my face. He grabbed her and laid her in the grass (while I called 911). She threw up some more and, when Kevin checked, she had a pulse. By this point, she was starting to breath again, which Kevin noticed but I probably wouldn't have because I was freaking out. The blue was slowly leaving her face but she was still out of it. She finally started to moan and I think I finally felt a little relieved. We told EMS that we didn't need them to send an ambulance but that we'd take her to the ER at this point. We were pretty sure by now it had been a febrile seizure, which it was and which happens when a child from 6 months to 6 years has their body temperature rise or fall too quickly, but I did not want to be at home if it happened again! They let us stay in the ED for a little while because her heart was still beating so rapidly and because her fever was so high and not dropping, and I think because they were compassionate to Mommy. She slept for the rest of the day when we got home and felt completely better by the next day.

It is an awful feeling to think "This is it. I'm watching my child die and I can't do anything about!" It's the most humbling thing in the world to realize "No, I'm not. And I'm so, so, so grateful." It's strange to realize how much you physically feel that tie to this little person who has come from you and is a part of you. And it's unthinkable to think how parents go through losing a child and survive, literally. For those few minutes, my heart and mind just felt like they were going to explode. I'm assuming if you're really going through the loss of a child, you receive help from heaven to be able to live through the experience and keep going. And of course I now have no pretenses about how amazing I'll be in an emergency involving one of my children. I'm reminded of the scripture about how we need to thank our Heavenly Father for each breath we receive, and that day I truly felt the breadth of it. Each little hug from those sweet little arms is so precious!  

Our anniversary, a month ago:)

This year on our anniversary I just felt overwhelmed at my "luck" in having married Kevin. It has taken me a long time to appreciate him fully, and I'm sure I'm not to "fully" yet. For whatever reason, selfishness?, when we first got married, I just didn't get it! I'm so grateful Kevin was patient and forgiving! And patient and forgiving. Long-suffering is I guess the best word. I'm not sure if everyone is like this but I tend to be hardest on the people closest to me. I want things to be perfect and warm and fuzzy now and take it very seriously when I think something is amiss. I'm learning this is attitude is way too intense, and not what the Savior and Heavenly Father intended when they sent us to earth. Yes, we are here to grow but that doesn't mean a step backwards means all the steps forward you've made are for naught and that you'll never get where you're going. Thinking back to eight years ago at this time, phew, I'm so glad we're where we've come to! I know we're on the same team no matter what and that is THE most wonderful feeling, having someone as remarkable as Kevin in my court. When we found out for sure that Kevin would be working for UNC as a pediatric ophthalmologist after fellowship, I had this sort of paranoid feeling. It just felt too good to be true to have made it to this point as a team, to have a job in a year's time, and to be so in love with this guy. I was so grateful when he made it home from his last day commuting to Fayetteville. I was just sure he was going to get in an accident and die. Luckily that proved to be a ridiculous and paranoid notion that I'm sure was planted there by crazy pregnancy hormones.

When Kevin and I were first married, and I was being super hard on him, in my mind if not out loud, I had a few qualities I thought he lacked or could be improved upon. Or course now I realize that was a short-coming of my own! Anyway, we read each other's patriarchal blessings one night, as newlyweds are wont to do, and as old fuddy duddy married people should do more often, and found that every single one of the things that I thought was something for him to work on was actually listed as a strength of his. So either that meant it was already a strength and I was just amiss in not recognizing it, or it was a quality he hadn't developed yet but was a weaker area that would develop into a strength. I think it took me aback then but I haven't really thought about and poured over the idea until recently. What a blessing to be a team and have both of your strengths to work with, and have both of you to work on your weaknesses, if you can do so with love. I'm grateful to feel like we can gently help each other now without being hurtful, or hurt, which really was out of the question when we first got married. It's overwhelming to think I've been entrusted with such a person! I hope we can become better at expressing our affection and that our children know, and will know, how much we think of each other. (You hear that kids? I'm talking to you!)

Again, I'm purging for our move. This time I'm finding tiny notes I've scribbled on papers I've saved for years. Literally, I think I've brought this "St. Jude Memphis Marathon" sheet of paper with a weekly job chart that is no longer practical (i.e. one day I'm supposed to dust the entire house), from St. Louis to CT to NC. I think the reason I saved it? was because of a Jillian quote at the bottom. We had just returned from a few months away, I believe for Kevin's away rotations. Upon arriving home Jillian exclaimed "I LOVE MINE HOUSE! I LOVE OUR HOUSE!" So sweet that she was so happy to return to our tiny apartment that smelled of smoke, where we couldn't open the windows because they were painted shut but somehow when there was a strong breeze outside in the winter all the inside doors would slam shut. Ah, SO don't miss that place. But the memories of it are sure sweet, as are the thoughts of tiny Jillian and Peter enjoying their life there.

Anniversary

As our 8th anniversary approaches, and as we prepare to move to the fourth state we'll have lived in since we became a family, I thought I'd post some advice we received before we were married. I have it in a notebook that we won't be taking with us, so I thought I'd make a digital copy. It's fun to look back at what people said and ponder on if we've taken the advice, if it's been good advice for us personally, etc.

He will be studying a lot so be very patient because it will pay off in the long run. Try to be creative and find ways you can be together and let him study. -Gaye Wheatley
(probably should have been more patient!)

Read together! Lots of good books, old and new, but mostly old! Pray and study and you can get over just about anything. -Robyn Axelgard
(still waiting for the reading together to be more regular, hopefully when he's done July 2014 we'll have more time for leisurely reading together!)

The best advice I recall is to do your house chores together with lots of music and dance in the kitchen.
-Lenora Weatherford
(True! I love doing jobs and accomplishing tasks that benefit our household together with Kevin. He is my get it done guy!)

Take at least one weekend a year and go away somewhere- it will remind you why you fell in love in the first place and will form some of your greatest memories! -Karen Stevens
(again, after residency! although we have had a few occasions to just be alone for a few days and it is fantastic!)

Medical school WILL end someday...and you will look back and cherish the moments you shared as a struggling newlywed couple. Love each other and say 'I love you" every day- even if it's been a rough day. Be loyal to each other! Best wishes for a wonderful life together. -Camille Gledhill
(all true!)

Laugh! -Victoria Carlson
(of course!)

Everyday is a new beginning. Never give up on your challenges. Keep your sense of humor and laugh at mistakes. Give lots of compliments. -Joyce Miller
(I'm so grateful for the compliments Kevin gives me readily!)

Don't assume anything. Always hold hands when having heated discussions. Always express your love and appreciation daily and during prayer. -Sylvia Westergard
(When we first got married, Kevin would say a lot "If I said something that hurt your feelings, assume I didn't mean it like that." We've come a long way since then:)

Early and consistent training of a husband (as with a dog or children) is essential. For specifics, watch the classic movie with Doris Day. -Jan Signore
(perhaps the most memorable, has also proved correct! mostly with respect to helping your husband learn to help take care of the children. He IS capable, and even excellent at it. So grateful I was finishing school when Jillian was born. Kevin learned how to take care of her on his own and feel competent doing it.)

Laugh a lot! Have fun and build good memories! -Sandy Banks
(any advice from Sandy would be good but it makes me smile thinking of her and President Banks having fun and laughing.)

Give him endless praise for any home improvement tasks. This is a skill you'll want to nurture. -Karen Inouye
(So true! I need to work on not nitpicking when Kevin does something for me.)

Go to bed when he goes to bed! -unknown
(great advice that I need to work on!)

The best thing for our marriage was to move far away from both of our families. This may not please your mom much, but you will grow closer as a couple and enjoy your time together without all the family around all the time. Then after a few years of growth and happiness, plan to move closer to family and enjoy! P.S. Don't let your mom read this! -Ann Barker
(So true! So grateful for our St. Louis and CT time to gain our footing as a pair.)

Things make more sense in the morning. It's okay to sleep on it! -Sara Olsen
(Also true, but I still always want to hash it out and can't sleep while Kevin can fall asleep immediately after an argument. ?)

Bribe him with kisses and don't let pride get in the way of the relationship. -Maury Riggan
(Said like an expert when she was only a teenager:)

Always tell Kevin how much you love him as often as you can. -Janie Chamberlain
(This makes a world of difference when he goes out of his way to text or call and tell me this.)

Instead of NOT doing something for your spouse because they didn't do something for you, ALWAYS be striving to outdo the other in kind acts. That way you're always indebted to each other and trying to repay each other with kindness. -Gayle and Ralph, excellent examples of this!

Avoid all criticism of any form. If you have any critiques don't bring them up in public and don't make jokes about them. -Emily
(We're working on this! It is very hurtful to bring up shortcomings in front of others.)

Treat every day like you're still courtin'! Love notes, 25 cent machine things in lunches, etc. Bury the green meany (get rid of jealousy and trust each other! -Brother Bob from my mission
(love how I can hear him saying this. Jealousy was hard at first, even over the silliest things, but I feel like we understand where the other person is coming from much better and it leaves less room for misunderstanding.)

Only have a garden is it's a joint effort. -Gayle

Don't hold grudges and work on immediate problems.-Ralph

Give your wife an allowance and they'll spend it all and want more. Give her charge of the budget and she'll make money for it. -Ralph (still working on this!)

Looking forward to another eight years of learning together!

I AM SPECIAL

Jill had to complete some sentences and, of course, I thought her answers were worth making into memorabilia.

My name is: Jillian Rose G.
The color of my hair is: blond.
My eyes are: brown.
I am 48 inches tall.
I have five people in my family.
My favorite food is:spaghetti.
I can draw the best!
My favorite book is: Fancy Nancy.
I live in a: house.
I love: home.
I know I am special because: I have a brother and a sister.

Jill wrote the cutest note, I'm not sure to who, that I wanted to record. It says "What's the baby?" on the front. Inside she wrote "A girl! When I got home there was a note that read: What is the Baby? Folo the gummy bears to find out. I foloed the gummy bears! I saw a present. It was a girl!" Then below she drew what she saw "A pink & white wense" and "gummys."


She sure loves to record what's going on in life:)