A great day at the park! Something about the longer shadows of a February afternoon and the barren trees sends me right back to the North Wales Elementary playground of my childhood. Can you just feel gravity lifting and the sense of weightlessness as you stare down at the ground in front of you?

Peter is still our pensive little man with a definite serious side but he gets the giggles more and more often now and loves to keep a good "joke" going once he's found something humorous, i.e. peek-a-boo, tickling, dancing/bopping and clapping.

I have to admit I've become lax at removing my hair from the shower wall over the past few years, also known as the first years of my married life. Why am I admitting this disgusting habit? Because I think Kevin is hilarious, patient, long-suffering, you name it, and I had to share. Yes, this is the "art" that greeted me the other day when I got in to shower. Complete with bouquet and exclamations of love. Now that's love, and a friendly reminder that leaving hair on the shower wall is, in actual fact, disgusting. Thanks, Hon.

"My darlings!"

These are Jillian's "darlings" or "kids." We often find babies tucked in our bed or any other little nook Jillian finds. They can't be disturbed and that means whispering and leaving the lights ON for them. Sweet little Momma.

Today I heard the most insightful talk! I got so much out of it that I wanted to share. The speaker was talking about spiritual gifts and related something from his mission. He related a scripture that talked about some being fisherman and were to let their nets down and gather in many, while others were to be hunters and bring others in to the fold one at a time. Both, he said, were equally useful to the God who had, interestingly enough, created them to be that way in the first place!!! Wow, what a concept. When I question who I am, what I am, what I don't have (i.e. desirable characteristics), what I wish I had, all in a spiritual/emotional sense, I am questioning God's ability to know what I need to succeed or the gifts with which I have already been blessed. He also brought up how we tend to compare our weaknesses with others' strengths. It sounds dumb to do on paper but I sure do it a lot without realizing. He also said that God's plan doesn't give a dispropotionate amount of gifts to any one person so that they don't need the gifts of others, to succeed we are MEANT to lean on one another and grow together. What a different idea from the dog-eat-dog world where we must compete to stay afloat and even take others down who might be standing in the way of our success. I like the growing together concept much better, and luckily, this one happens to be truth!

"Privacy" and Motherhood

I had a realization this last week that was huge for me. I am a private person. Oh, I like social gatherings and friends, etc. but I also really appreciate the one-on-one time I spend with myself. In college I would take a run up and around the beautiful Provo Canyon almost every afternoon after classes. It was great to be in nature and to be by myself in nature. I think that is why I like going to the gym in the mornings. Even though it's not quiet, technically, it provides quiet time for me when I am not required to talk and can just think through things. Motherhood doesn't naturally lend itself to lots of alone time and I realize that this is mostly a blessing. I wouldn't change this part of my life for anything but I sometimes find myself feeling bitter, not at anyone- just in general, when I don't get some down time. I've been forced to think about this lately, well, I've just been grouchy so that led me to this line of thought. I don't want to be one of those parents who thinks "Shoot, my kid is crying. That was such a short nap. I didn't get enough done...blah, blah, blah...and on and on." I mean, I didn't have kids to try and make them sleep all the time! (Of course, kids need sleep and they're grumpy if they don't get it but that's a topic for another afternoon.) Anyway, J is getting to the age where she will quietly play during her entire nap time and then come out when she thinks it's been long enough to appease me. But then she also gets grumpy rather early in the evening, falls asleep when we're driving to pick up Kevin from work, and isn't her normal happy self when Dad is home. To this point, and for these reasons, I have been reluctant to forfeit the afternoon nap. I rely on this time to recharge and find the hours from 3-5 to be the toughest on my psyche. Well, why am I writing all this you may wonder? I made a discovery I just had to share! It probably isn't that novel of an idea, and frankly Kevin's mom did something similar and told me about it a long time ago, but I am hoping it will work magic for our mother-children team. After Peter laid down for his nap, Jillian and I got a pile of books for each of us. She had several picture books and I had my Ensign, scriptures, camera manual, and decorating books, most of which I have had in a pile next to the bed for several days, wanting to read them but never finding the extra minute. We got on my bed and just read our own books. She turned the pages and sang to herself until she fell asleep. I got to read my scriptures and relax with other good books. I felt totally recharged! And this is our new game plan on days that it flows with our schedule. I am also working on making some somewhat less physical goals, like only 30 minutes on the computer, being less judgemental, etc. I don't know why I've let this drop off recently but this has been a good regrouping week. I'm going to try and remember it for the future. Hopefully by doing so I can avoid discouragement and remember that a few "course corrections" can work wonders!!!

Speech Therapy

No, we're not technically doing any speech therapy around here but so much of what comes out of this little two-year-old's mouth makes me think about language and how amazing the human brain is. When she is unsure of a word she does one of two things. She'll slow down what she's saying, furrow her eyebrows and then proceed with caution or look at Kevin or I in a questioning manner. A mental, hmm, what was that word again? Or her brain will fill in the blanks. Lately she's saying things like "Jejus," "Papapillar" for caterpiller, "apron cot tree" for apricot tree. My favorite is hearing her songs, which she is also good at improvising. She told me lately that "The piggy was fusin' for me, Mommy" when I didn't want her to play with Peter's porcelain(?) piggy bank. Oh, and today she "was checkin" my me-mail." Hmm, good thing I had already set the goal to only spend 30 minutes on the computer each day last week:)

Do a good turn

The nicest librarian helped me yesterday. J was feeling underappreciated, I think, because about every 10 steps she was throwing herself around and loudly refusing to follow me. Hmm. Should I just go home without any books? I decided to stay because it takes about 30 minutes just to get out the door with these two munchkins but we were all frustrated as we were leaving. I asked J to put her coat on, she refused and crossed her arms in defiance. Great. I had about 25 books to carry, P in one arm and a very ferociously cold day just outside the door. (Oh and the other thing was I was feeling judged by the librarian behind the desk who was checking us out because she kept raising her eyebrows when I would do anything, ie set Peter down on the floor to get out my card or say something to try and get J to behave her silly self.) Should I just walk out and let her freeze? I didn't end up having to choose. Another librarian who had come up and started talking to J stepped over and, without saying anything to me, took her jacket from my hand and helped her into it, explaining in a soothing southern accent "Let's help your mother out. She seems to have her hands full." Such a little thing but it instantly put me at ease. We've met him before but I don't think he necessarily knows us. Every time we see him there he talks to J and makes us feel welcome. I felt so much better leaving the library after having interacted with him. I had a companera on the mission like this man. She would just see a need and fill it. No hesitation that her offering would be met with scorn, embarrassment, resentment, nada. You just knew she cared so people didn't feel those feelings towards her and she didn't care what those watching thought. In my experience, when I have waited and missed an opportunity, it's always more awkward anyway. You sit there thinking "I should be helping that person. What am I doing just standing here? I'm so lame." Anyway, it's something I hope to one day master; the sensitivity to see the real, big and simple, needs of those around me, and jump to assist.