For the first time in quite a while I feel content. Not that anything was particularly wrong before. I was just feeling like I could never do or be enough. And now, somehow, I just feel past that. I have unfinished sewing projects. But I also recently finished a few so I'm okay that there is fabric somewhere in my house that hasn't been touched (And in case you're wondering, Yes, that tree skirt I started long ago in Quilting group is DONE!). I still haven't come close to mastering ALL those talents I see in others that I would love to have. But it's not bothering me. Maybe some day I'll get there. But if I don't, is it of eternal consequence? No, not even probably not, the answer is no. I won't stop trying but if I don't get there any time soon, that's okay. I've got eternity to work on it, as my visiting teacher taught me last year. I look in the mirror and for whatever reason, things that were bothering me about my appearance, things I couldn't change without plastic surgery :), aren't bothering me. Even if I have a bad day and grouch at my kids more than I should, I'm not beating myself up about it three days afterwards, which I would have done before. I realize I can do better, try and think of a few SIMPLE and MANAGEABLE ways to do better and then I have been able to let go.
I'm not sure exactly where this change is coming from but I do have a little bit of an idea. We've really been trying to focus more on spiritual things these past two weeks before Easter. My mom got us an AWESOME book last year that we've been using a little bit, there are SO many ideas it will keep us busy for YEARS of Easters to come but it's called
A Christ Centered Easter. The past few years Easter has been sneaking up on me, and then it passes me right by and leaves me with a feeling of guilt - why didn't I remember and celebrate more in a worshipful way? (Side note: We wanted to do Easter baskets on Saturday so we could focus more on Christ on Sunday but that didn't work out because we ended up running in a 5K but I still think that's a great idea, thanks Jacqueline, for the future.) This year we found the book BEFORE Easter and it helped us think on spiritual things more. I think what may have been at the root of my problem, and something I'm sure I will revisit and for which I"ll have to watch carefully, was that my priorities were wrong. I knew what they should be and that led to a feeling of exhaustion and guilt. And then, all of a sudden, I got this sense of renewal and "I can do it" out of nowhere. Actually, I think it started very simply with a children's c.d. that we listened to nonstop for about three weeks in the car called "Stories of Jesus." That little c.d. helped us so much. Jill would ask questions about the stories and talk about what we had discussed later when we weren't in the car. I felt more prone to tell her things about Jesus at other times as well. It honestly made me think, for the first time ever, that maybe we should just listen to spiritual music! I think I have decided not to do that but to be a lot more choosy about the simple messages we hear in songs, the more uplifting the better, and listening to a lot more spiritually focused music. The two songs I really loved were about the boy who gave Christ his five loaves and two fishes, and Zechias the rich man who climbed up in the tree to see the Savior passing by. I realize it's just someone's depiction of those stories but they really got me thinking about the Savior's love for the individual, specifically for my children and how He would approach them should He meet them, and how they, in their innocence, would know Him. (Peter has been walking around saying "Jejush" all the time, his version of Jesus:) I think my spirit is just relearning that it's actually more effort to put off spiritual things! And the more time you spend reading the scriptures, the more confident and encircled by love you feel! I knew I needed to be doing more, SPIRITUALLY, with and for my children. It was more exhausting to put it off and such a relief to do better! And I feel such gratitude that Heavenly Father was willing to give me the boost I needed get around to it. I hope we can keep it up. But as we were reminded in conference today, two men can do anything, as long as one of them is God. The personal message that I got out of conference was that you HAVE to be a spiritually prepared parent if you want to be a successful parent in these times.
A fun (and fuzzy) Sunday dinner
So fun to gather up all Grandma's pillows and hide under them
Happy Birthday, Little Brother!
We were there for Matt(Milton's) and Kevin's(CPK) birthday dinners.
It's taken a while to work up to this:) but Jillian and Hunter are getting to be really good friends. After we left Hunter got his tonsils out and he told Grandma the one thing he wanted was for her to bring Jillian back to play.
We're so excited to live by these guys!
Birthday pie during half time
LOTS of bubbles
Thanks Grandma for watching us all day every day while Mom and Dad were looking at houses!
We stopped in D.C. on the way home to see my family. Here we're in front of the Aquarium. We're VERY excited to live by Kevin's family and four hours from my parents!
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