I don't know about this absolute compulsion I feel to RECORD my children's lives! It constantly stresses me out. Is it because I am going to die soon?! I mean, why do I feel this need to make sure each sweet thing they say is written in my quotes book for them, my blog, and my blog for each of them. Is it to attempt to tell them "I loved you so much that I wrote this all down"? To tell them "You were my life!" It's so hard to put it into words. This connection I feel with my children. Every little thing they do makes me so happy, or so heartbroken when they make a mistake. "Are you acting like this because I messed you up already?" I'm sure Erickson would have some explanation about generativity versus stagnation, the innate desire we eventually feel to have something from our lives live beyond us. I want to remember the times they held my hand, Lucy has been constantly reaching for my hand recently, and Peter today, "let's hold hands, Mom," and Jillian's first pinch pot, and finding cans of tomato paste in the front closet from my little whirling dervish. I don't know. Being a mom is so weird and emotional.

Lucy's birthday has come and gone but I wanted to record how loved she is by her big brother and sister. I came across her birthday decorations they had made her. Jillian drew a card that said "Lucy Birthday Girl" with some lovely flowers, a sunshine and a blue sky. Peter had made her name by ripping up some paper into tiny pieces and then gluing them in the letters of her name. They had both been very anxious to make something for her! I don't know why it surprises me so much why they love her SO much, she makes you feel like a million bucks with the tiniest smile or nod, but it is so fun to see how they constantly seek her approval and want her to be a part of all that they are doing. Now that she is climbing up the steps, when they charge up the steps to play in their room, she makes her way up after them. Either that or they herd her up.

Peter likes to call her Sister Bear, which annoys Jillian to no end. "That doesn't make any SENSE! She's not a bear!" Jillian likes to call her Lulu, or like one day, Maxwell, which in her mind makes perfect sense. ?? Lucy has the funniest pair of 2 piecer pajamas that look like boys with the button up shirt and collar. Now whenever she wears them Kevin calls her Maxwell too.

She is constantly busy, moving things around mostly, and exploring everything from knee-level down. Sometimes her expressions and features are so similar to Jillian's at this age. It's fun to be reminded in this way of Jillian as a little bitty. If only I could bottle up a little bit of each of them at each stage. So curious, innocent, forgiving, honest, FUN!, confident. We love our Lulu!

Family baseball training

For Christmas the kids and I got Kevin a t-ball stand and mitts for Jillian and Peter. He didn't get home in time but the kids and I tried them out tonight. We needed to get out of the house so I started rallying everyone to come outside with me. Weeping and wailing ensued. Jillian was stomping around saying "I am NOT going outside! If you make me go outside then I'm not _____." (I can't remember her threat:) So I went upstairs to recruit Peter to my cause. He started moaning "I am not going outside" too. At that point I wasn't sure why this was upsetting everyone so much. Is it that horrible to go throw a baseball around? They later told me they were in the middle of an important make believe game. Anyway, Peter followed me downstairs very upset and Jillian said "Peter, why don't you want to go outside? I get to." What??? And that was that. He instantaneously stopped complaining, ran and got his boots on and we were outside in a flash.

The hilarity continued outside. Peter was very into it. The first time he caught the ball with his mitt, he did a fist pump in the sky and held it there, staring at it and shouting "I winned!" We switched off who was up to bat and who retrieved the ball. When it was my turn to catch I said "Don't throw it too hard. I don't have a mitt." Peter ran over, got his mitt and offered it to me, which was very sweet. Then he said "And when you're done with it, give it back to me." Jillian corrected him "Peter, that wasn't a very nice way to say that." I said that it was still nice of him. Jillian cupped her hand so Peter couldn't hear and said "Well, it was still awkward Mom!"

Lucy was there too, taking the ball off the tee and scampering away with it. How she knows exactly what will drive the big kids crazy is beyond me. It's pretty funny to see her running after Peter "teasing" him and hearing him say "Mom, Lucy won't leave me alone." She loves the outdoors and is immediately energized when we go outside. Her walking cadence is more of a run-run-fall which makes for lots of other adults looking at you, say when you're at the mall, like you're a horrible parent for not sweeping her right up each time she crashes. What can I say? It happens about every two seconds. It's so incredibly cute though to see that little mini person running around, and around, and around:)

See, little mini person!

These photos are from another night but you get the idea.

Heritage Halls at BYU was apparently remodeled, or is in the process of being rebuilt. I thought this history was interesting. Unfortunately I didn't live there freshman year; it probably could have helped my cause!

"BYU’s on-campus housing, and Heritage Halls in particular, has a long history. In his centennial history, former university president Ernest L. Wilkinson (BA ’21) records the completion of 24 women’s housing units in 1956. These halls—called Heritage Halls—were designed to help train women “in proper home life and management,” and the administration named them after exemplary pioneer homemakers. The complex housed more than 1,500 women for $20 monthly rent per resident. Ethel J. Horner (’49), one of the first resident living consultants in Heritage Halls, kept a journal of daily activities in the halls, including lessons in low-carbohydrate casseroles, attractive place settings and centerpieces, and managing communal budgets ($30 a week for six women). During this time, men attending BYU lived in dormitory-style Helaman Halls."

They so funny

I just walked in on a funny conversation. Jillian said "Hey Baby. That's what people call their boyfriend." Peter was offended, "Mom, Jillian's calling me a baby!"

Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? Are you sittin' on the edge of your seat? Okay, probably not after several months of my being away, and maybe not even if that wasn't the case:) We've been busy and life has been good to us. We ran a marathon last weekend (our first), Lucy turned one almost two and half months ago, Jillian has grown-up so much since starting kindergarten and Peter is coming out of his constant-scowl-because-I'm-three-years-old phase and becoming a real sweetheart again. Kevin is thinking he might like to work with kids, so that's exciting. He's on a crazy busy rotation and most nights we don't see him until 8:00 p.m. but he is also enjoying the constant activity and learning atmosphere after a few off-kilter months in F-ville. While we'd love to have him home, it restores confidence in my own abilities of holding down the fort okay while he's not around. I'm learning the ropes of elementary school and enjoying meeting people through the school. I feel SO MUCH more on top of life right now than I did this time last year. We didn't even put any ornaments on our tree or put up any other decorations. I guess having a teeny baby will do that to you. Over the past few months I've renewed my nursing license and been working at some flu clinics, okay only two, and have also taken pictures for several friends. We are getting to know our neighbors better and really enjoying this neighborhood! It never ceases to amaze me how many DIFFERENT people there are in this world, and also how GOOD people are. It's getting late and I'm waxing philosophical so I'll sign off but I'll leave you with a few teaser pictures. It literally hurts me she's so wonderful!

Jillian had the funniest stream of consciousness tonight that I wanted to record it before I forget. She started out by saying that today on the bus she say this yard that was "clear, and huge, and nicely mowed." She had more descriptors but I was distracted by those and don't remember the others. I interrupted to ask if her older friend on the bus, Nicole, had told her the lawn was nicely mowed. She looked at me confused as if to say, "Well, I think it was nicely mowed. Why, don't you?" It struck me as such a grown-up thing to observe, and then comment on. And then she didn't understand that I didn't understand her grown-up language. Is this indicative of many things to come? Well, apparently she likes her lawns nicely mowed. I'll have to get on that because our lawn is pretty long and scraggly. Maybe it was a hint. In which case her comment goes so much deeper.

She kept right on going after that and started singing a song that her music teacher, Miss Godfreid, had taught them. From what I was able to gather, she had a student teacher with her. Jillian said, "I don't know. Maybe it was her cousin with her?" Then she told us play by play how Miss Goddfreid's Mom, and then sister and then Dad had all tried to wake her up this morning. The song was very cute about a walk down the street, playing with a yo-yo, and then Jillian stops mid-sentence and says "I don't remember the worm's name." I love listening to her process her world. Everything is so fun, and there are no rules of normal and not in which to box oneself, in the eyes of a child!