We're making it...

Warning: Novel to Follow

We've been here a week and I think we're gonna make it:) It's always so strange to move from one place to another. And in this case from one phase of our lives to another. So many contradicting emotions! Excitement for the change. Definitely that, but so much else! Longing for the chapter of your life you're closing. Groping for ALL the wonderful friends and memories it is time to leave behind. Exhaustion from the packing, cleaning, driving, trouble-shooting, putting on a happy face for the kids, frustration with yourself when you are grouchy with the kids and realize you've forgotten they're dealing with everything too! I don't think we've stopping RUNNING since about two weeks before graduation.

After getting home from Europe and Virginia, LOTS of pictures STILL to come, we began packing and repacking every fun thing (Gardens, Zoo, Tower Grove Park, Forest Park, friends)in St. Louis into our week. Then came our families to help us celebrate and pack, then graduation, then packing, then saying goodbyes, then packing the truck oh so tightly to squeeze everything in, then realizing we still couldn't fit in everything and getting a trailer, then driving our small caravan for two days and finally getting to our new home. We are so grateful to everybody that has helped us on both ends to pack and unpack the truck and, of course, for the other countless thoughtful kindnesses.

Maybe it's all the driving or perhaps the emotions that come with exhaustion but I've been waxing philosophical about our four years of medical school. When we moved to St. Louis, we had been married about three weeks. I remember absolutely bawling to Kevin one night. We had no friends there, which of course we did, we were miles from any place either of us had ever known as home, I missed BYU and my nursing girls, and we had no hope of leaving for four years! Now the time has whizzed by and I know that Heavenly Father put us where He did with such purpose! I couldn't have picked a better place, and probably wouldn't have because at the time it seemed so random, for us to start out. Such a great place to grow our marriage and learn about each other and become parents. Sitting in church last week I realized how unique and wonderful our situation in the Lindell Ward was. So many friends for J and for us! I honestly don't think I could have made it through some of those long, cold and somewhat dark winter afternoons when Kevin was gone studying or at the hospital without my sweet St. Louis friends. Sometimes just the thought that a friend was probably going through the same thing, helped significantly. I can review each of my friends from the past four years and think of specific, and life-altering, lessons they taught me just by being the sweet women they are. Service, optimism, non-judgementalism (a real word?), charity, frugality, thoughtfulness, unselfishness, the gift of applying a sense of humor at the right time, mental toughness, physical toughness, the value and art of homemaking, how to teach and nurture J and P, how to be a kinder wife, how to be a better communicater, being informed and involved in the community. Lots of these qualities are, of course, things I have seen in others, in my Mom, my sisters, my friends, along the way and will constantly be learning my entire life but I am already cherishing "my medical school friends" who helped me realize the value of them again.

I also learned a lot about what and who I want to be. I guess somewhere in my heart of hearts I always wanted to be a mother and stay at home with my children. It just took me a while to get to that conclusion. Like, oh, the first five seconds I held Jillian! It was probably actually before that when people would ask where I wanted to work after my graduation from nursing school. Some people I would just give a vague answer but then some I would say "Actually, I am going to stay at home with our baby." Yea! for SLU being a Catholic institution because that was most often greeted with "Oh, good for you." "Lucky Baby." Etc. But seeing so many wonderful moms around me in my friends encouraged me and helped me to know that, yes, oftentimes motherhood is often frustrating and even unrewarding in an immediate, receive an accolade sense but THAT'S OKAY! Pursuing my career as a nurse or "getting out of the house," without my baby that is, wasn't going to change that. In fact, it might just frustrate me more and make me feel stretched in an attempt to achieve something much less important than nurturing my child. I realized, as I watched and listened to my friends that THEY ARE SMART WOMEN! who could do anything they put their minds to, and quite frankly they have, hello directing plays, organizing races and sewing incredible works of art!

I don't know where to go from there except to say that if residency is half as full of rich and wonderful experiences we'll be blessed. And maybe I'll even find some more running partners along the way- although I'm not crossing my fingers because I realize the "Mommas in Training" are pretty unique:)

I'd better get to bed but just need to record some of sweet Jillian's responses to the move.

• "Mom, did we bring my... or did we leave it in St. Louis?" That was the only home this sweet girl has known and I think she's just reaching for familiarity. Tonight she was getting SUPER upset if she was looking for something in the new house and couldn't find it.
• I think she's really missing her friends. She made up an imaginary friend named Maressa as a substitute. She goes everywhere with us and Jill is constantly explaining things to her.
• We went to a ward activity tonight and she was thrilled to meet some new friends. Not so thrilled that there weren't any girls there her age. She kept asking "But where are the GIRLS?" We kept telling her the boys are like Asher and Ashton and Ryan and Elliot and Jimmy in St. Louis and she can be friends with them too! I'm sure she'll warm up to them. For today, she took to a 7 year old girl who was very sweet to her.

People here has been very sweet to us already and we're sure we're gonna love it here! Just missing our last home a little bit. Two of the times I've been closest to crying, other than when we were driving away, have had to do with the Gardens. I bought a lemon sink- stopper-upper-thing there and I was thinking how if I told someone here where I had gotten it they wouldn't know what I was talking about. All those countless walks there with my newborns, and then toddlers, and friends on Wednesdays!

I realized I didn't mention Kevin much in this post about the last four years:) I guess because he's here with me and luckily I don't have to go for too long without him, until intern year starts, I suppose:)!